[ whether entirely intentional or not, it feels like he's found the answer that he had been looking for this entire time. the empty validation to know that everything can't be taken at surface value; there isn't a timeline where lavi would have been happy with this truth.
especially not when they really had been honest with them—honest in the ways that lavi has experienced before with those who would raise the death and reunite them with their loved ones. corpses brought back to life but have lost all of their humanity and replaced with the desire to end it. this really is some twisted version of home and he hates it; thanks for never asking. ]
You're right. You have been quite honest with us this whole time. Your intent is to "escape" and we will be "whole, healthy, and safe" by the end.
It's the details of what happens in-between that you've left out and how you are defining the terms.
[ by some act of a higher being decidedly not god, lavi will not turn into a car and try to ram himself into sika madu because it'd be pointless. ]
( Lavi revs the engine and slams the accelerator, and the impact kills Elan on the spot. The sudden shatter of his ribcage and the gentle burst of his innards is sickening, and the remains of him smears across Lavi's hood. He'd hardly had the time for his expression to shift from surprised to distressed that Lavi would grind him beneath his tires, and it is with this same midway face that his upper torso hits the ground, the poppies gently rustling in the endless fields.
Elan is dead. And Lavi killed him.
When Lavi finally gets full grasp of himself, he will find himself back in the Backstage hallways, needing to platform his way back out. He will not be able to find a means to visit Sika Madu again on the same day. )
he didn't mean to... he killed him. there had been so much rage in him after hearing the way that sika madu so calmly talked about their stance on the matter. the horrid, ugly, disgusting truth that they told everyone. a truth that lavi couldn't truly find words to counter or find fault with. ( perspective. meanings read between the lines. ) he hates it. they (who?) spoke like that to.
cruel promises made to desperate people. a family that wished to only protect their own. he hates it all. every where he goes it's the same. blood, death elan, pain, sorrow...the numbness that it created inside of him. he hates it. but there were ones who were touch him elan. apple. louis. dehya.—allowed him to feel something. people amethyst who made him realize that his smiles weren't painted on his face.
lavi was never supposed to care; lavi was taught that he was supposed to live lightly, but lavi ended up caring too much and he has been punished for it. in his arms is a body and his hands are covered in the blood of—elan. who? elan. important. elan. partner. elan. friend? elan. elan. elan. there would be no way that he could have. he wouldn't have...never. he would have torn someone else apart in order to protect him. ( he wasn't supposed to care. they weren't supposed to matter. )
elan ceres.
the exact moment that lavi remembers who—where—he is, he sinks back into the ground as a shadow momentarily as he holds his head. he feels the heart he no longer has racing in his chest and the lungs that don't exist demanding air... yeah, he'll have to platform his way back, and he will, but if sika madu thinks that this would have changed lavi's feelings towards sika madu in their favor—it didn't. he clenches the jaw he no longer has and grinds the teeth that he has no need for as the loathing burns deep into his very soul.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
especially not when they really had been honest with them—honest in the ways that lavi has experienced before with those who would raise the death and reunite them with their loved ones. corpses brought back to life but have lost all of their humanity and replaced with the desire to end it. this really is some twisted version of home and he hates it; thanks for never asking. ]
You're right. You have been quite honest with us this whole time. Your intent is to "escape" and we will be "whole, healthy, and safe" by the end.
It's the details of what happens in-between that you've left out and how you are defining the terms.
[ by some act of a higher being decidedly not god, lavi will not turn into a car and try to ram himself into sika madu because it'd be pointless. ]
cw slight gore
Elan is dead. And Lavi killed him.
When Lavi finally gets full grasp of himself, he will find himself back in the Backstage hallways, needing to platform his way back out. He will not be able to find a means to visit Sika Madu again on the same day. )
not here but also here. this is all i got....
anyway real comment for future readers...
he didn't mean to... he killed him. there had been so much rage in him after hearing the way that sika madu so calmly talked about their stance on the matter. the horrid, ugly, disgusting truth that they told everyone. a truth that lavi couldn't truly find words to counter or find fault with. ( perspective. meanings read between the lines. ) he hates it. they (who?) spoke like that to.
cruel promises made to desperate people. a family that wished to only protect their own. he hates it all. every where he goes it's the same. blood, death elan, pain, sorrow...the numbness that it created inside of him. he hates it. but there were ones who were touch him elan. apple. louis. dehya.—allowed him to feel something. people amethyst who made him realize that his smiles weren't painted on his face.
lavi was never supposed to care; lavi was taught that he was supposed to live lightly, but lavi ended up caring too much and he has been punished for it. in his arms is a body and his hands are covered in the blood of—elan. who? elan. important. elan. partner. elan. friend? elan. elan. elan. there would be no way that he could have. he wouldn't have...never. he would have torn someone else apart in order to protect him. ( he wasn't supposed to care. they weren't supposed to matter. )
elan ceres.
the exact moment that lavi remembers who—where—he is, he sinks back into the ground as a shadow momentarily as he holds his head. he feels the heart he no longer has racing in his chest and the lungs that don't exist demanding air... yeah, he'll have to platform his way back, and he will, but if sika madu thinks that this would have changed lavi's feelings towards sika madu in their favor—it didn't. he clenches the jaw he no longer has and grinds the teeth that he has no need for as the loathing burns deep into his very soul.
lavi will remember this. ]